Fire Support Company Newsletter No.2 by Major R J Spalton

Corporal Glyn Sephton

31 December 2011

Well, time for the second thrilling instalment. This week there is a distinct Mortar bias in the article – not bias on my part I hasten to add, more the fact that Messers Burge, Jones and Wheatley have been stuck in places with no access to IT. Burgey and his band of Romany travellers are doing fine and we hear daily reports of their progress from the dulcet and just-about intelligible Geordie-tones of John Cooney on the radio. We think Mike Lindgren has now gone native (native to 2 Rifles rather native to Helmand that is) as he is now only ever seen with his new mates and barely acknowledges our presence. Noted!

Bridgy’s Band of Brothers

Two weeks into the tour and the Mortar section based in PB1 have been.............( Click on  'Read More' below) kept busy supporting patrols across the 5 RIFLES area of operations. Rfn ‘Becks’ Beckett and LCpl ‘Cranny’ Cranston have come to the fore, both being awarded the highly prestigious award of the ‘mong mortar’ for the individual who has either done or said the stupidest thing that week. Cranny showed his steel, managing to faint not once, but twice during the PB1 Remembrance Day service. The Padre’s words truly moved him! Becks is now the Alan Titchmarsh of the Mortar section, tending to his garden everyday as the proud owner of two tomato plants. The irony of Becks growing salad is lost on no-one……

The Mortar Palace is taking shape with extra insulation for the winter (on the roofing rather than Becks in this case) and our team of budding roofers lead by Tui Tuiquilia making the palace waterproof. Cowboy builders would not be impressed.

We said goodbye this week to Rfn Micky Wara who flew back to Fiji following a family bereavement. All our thoughts and prayers go to him and his family at this sad time. We all look forward to welcoming him back into the fold and will take good care of him.

On a lighter note, the section has never been short of laughs with the ongoing battle between Bridgy and CSjt Parsons continuing to play out. CSjt Parsons was not impressed to find his bed space smoked out after some “special” treatment against mosquitoes. Retaliation was swift and brutal with Bridgy’s sandals being sprayed with glue, which alas he only realised once he had put them on……

Hayley’s Comets

RSOI in Camp Bastion (“Bast-Ibiza”) now seems a distant memory. Days of Powerpoint Briefs and lectures, were followed by days on the ranges learning the latest theatre tactics, techniques and procedures. Seven days later and we found ourselves bundled onto a helicopter and off to PB5, our home for the next 6 months. Unsurprisingly, the 1 RIFLES Mortarmen were very happy to see us and equally happy to hand over the more onerous tasks of Sanger Duty and wag bag burning (don’t ask). The Rupert-led trend of “Mowvember” Moustache Growing has alas spread to the Mortarline with Rfn "Fishy" Herrington growing a valiant but very ginger specimen.

Team Fiji has settled in nicely to the welfare facilities with Joe Lalakai , "Bati" Batidravu and "Peterius" Wallace normally found on the internet, in front of the TV or on the PS3. Similarly, the gym has become second home to Tilly Tillman, Tony Boak and Roz Boyd, determined to prove that "OP MASSIVE" is not an ironic term. Fran Francis conducts alternative PT, devoting his efforts to decimating the mouse population of PB5, although thus far their efforts at evasion are proving rather more effective than his efforts at pursuit.

Contrary to public opinion, we do wash occasionally although for the last three days cold showers have reduced take up of this hobby as we await the resident REME brain trust to fix the water heater. Food, a subject dear to every Mortarman’s heart, remains impressive, but "starvation Thursday" and the joy of Ration Packs has driven Bill to a preferred diet of fags, coffee and Haribo for 1 day a week.

We are alas being kept busy and have been operating to support the guys on patrol on a regular basis, with Franky Foulkes-Williams claiming the first round fired on the tour. His moment of glory was short lived however as he was later “crated” for reasons that shall not be mentioned. Notably, he has yet to provide said crate .

Puzzle Palace

The happy campers at PB2 continue their curious existence. Rich Huish and Chris Dowling continue to run the Ops Room and the former has developed a particularly offensive ‘Tash. The latter swears blind that he has actually written some letters back to Tricia. Creatch continues to spend his day watching telly, albeit the CCTV that he is supposed to be watching rather than the more entertaining variety. Max Goldsmith has successfully made up a new job for himself which means that he has transferred all the boring elements of his job onto an unsuspecting Speight-Dog. That said, given Speight-Dog’s efforts at Moustache growing, he clearly needs to shift his focus to something that he is good at…..

Overall, we’re all doing fine. Burgey will be beasted to give a sitrep from the Ops Platoon next week. Keep sending the Blueys and parcels (end of November is the last chance to get things here for Christmas!). We’re counting down to R&R, even if it is months away for some of us. Remember, we miss you and think about home all the time.

Keep Smiling

Rob